Emotions, the Language of Our Soul — Anger

What does our soul truly want to convey when we get angry?

We all tend to nurture the idea that we become angry only very rarely and only under very justified circumstances. Because being angry is not okay. Because only those who mishandle their lives and the situations around them get angry.

Well, I think it’s better if we come to terms with the fact that everyone gets angry from time to time. It’s a natural part of human life, and it’s better not to suppress it but to accept it.

Of course, it’s up to us how we express our anger. I do not recommend shouting at a child or landing a punch on our boss’s face. There are very effective anger management techniques, but I would like to focus on why it is useful to get angry.

What is our soul communicating when we’re boiling with rage?

Anger is a very useful emotion that we should pay attention to. Our soul is signaling that our boundaries have been crossed. (More on boundaries in my article “Border defense.”)

Often, when we experience anger, we tend to suppress this emotion because the immediate situation may not permit its expression. However, this suppression carries the risk of later outbursts that may be inappropriate or unrelated to the initial issue. Furthermore, in the long term, it can contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure and other illnesses.

If we get angry in a situation, as soon as possible, we should step aside and ask ourselves the following questions:

• Who has crossed my boundaries, and in what way?

• What important value to me has been disregarded?

• Which important person or their interests have been dismissed?

• What do I want to protect?

With these questions, there is a good chance that we will find out exactly what is bothering us in a situation or reaction. Once we understand this, we can think about what we want to do about it, what we can do, and what we cannot do.

Many times, once we have understood the real problem ourselves, we will be much more able to assertively explain our point of view to the person we clashed with, making it easier to reach a compromise. (More on assertiveness in “Can Assertiveness be Learned? Or Not?”)

If we have already become angry, it’s worth taking some time to ask ourselves one more thing: what is it that hurts us or what are we afraid of?

Often, strong anger hides fear or pain underneath. The current situation may eerily resemble a childhood situation where we couldn’t protect ourselves or something important to us. We may react with excessive anger, which is not justified by the current situation, because of the earlier pain or fear resurfacing.

If we sense that the current situation does not justify the intensity of our reaction, the most constructive approach is to explore the underlying early experiences triggering these emotions. It’s not always easy to uncover these on our own, but by setting a clear intention to understand them and being in a relaxed state, they may surface spontaneously. If this process proves challenging alone, seeking the assistance of an expert can be worthwhile.

– Eszter

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