Deprivation Traumas and Their Surprising Consequences

When we typically hear the word trauma, what usually comes to mind is an event that overwhelms the human nervous system with an excess of something. Much less often do we consider the type of trauma where there is an insufficient amount of something. However, this also exists, and indeed it does!

What should we know about deprivation traumas?

When we talk about traumas, we usually think of an excess of aggression, excessive sexuality, excessive brutality — in other words, some form of one or more overpowering stimuli. Much less frequently do we think about the kind of trauma where there is an excessive lack of something. Many individuals suffer from a deprivation of basic needs during childhood, without which their brains, nervous systems, or even their bodies cannot develop healthily.

One very simple example of deprivation traumas is when a child’s physical needs are not met. They don’t get enough to eat, drink, or aren’t allowed the appropriate amount of rest. Responsible parents pay attention to these things because there is an obvious connection between their absence and a child’s health.

What parents often overlook are the less obvious needs — the child’s other physical and emotional requirements.

What are these?

• Security

• Unconditional love

• Physical contact, closeness

• Comforting

• Play

Although all of this may sound very simple and reasonable, can we truly provide the quantity of these needs that a child demands?

What happens if, for instance, our love language is not physical touch but words of affirmation, and we never think to keep the baby with us all day? Or if, due to some stressful situation, we are unable to provide emotional security and comfort to our child convincingly? Or if, as a single mother, we are so occupied with tasks that there’s no time left for carefree play?

My intention is not to frighten anyone with the consequences of deprivation traumas, but I believe it’s essential for every parent to be aware of what it leads to when a child lacks these crucial things.

Animal experiments have proven that young ones who were not cuddled and groomed intensively by their mothers became more stressed, more aggressive, and consumed the last bite of food, even when they weren’t hungry. Their view of the world became one of scarcity, constant danger, the necessity to fight for survival, rather than abundance, friendliness, and safety.

The biochemical signals sent by the mother’s touch and licking, to some extent, altered their DNA. Those animals that were neglected by their mothers became much more prone to obesity, as they learned to store every morsel of food as fat for survival.

Similar effects form the basis for humans’ perception of the world. It depends on these early childhood experiences whether we see the world as friendly or stressful, whether we feel it is secure to form an attachment to another person or not, and whether we accept ourselves as lovable and valuable.

All of this significantly affects our overall stress levels, our health, our self-image, and our relationships with others, especially in romantic partnerships. Just as excess traumas can lead to severe physical and mental illnesses and other problems, the same can happen due to deprivation traumas. Therefore, it is crucial to recognize and heal them.

This is a long process, and introspection, meditation, family constellations or other therapeutic methods can be a great help. Deprivation traumas affects us for example through our romantic relationships. Based on my experience, it is better to approach this consciously, as otherwise, romantic relationships can become subjected to unnecessary, serious stress, potentially tearing families apart.

One useful tip how to start healing our deprivation trauma:

Though often we need professional help, in my experience one of the efficient methods for healing deprivation traumas is satisfying the inner child. This is a very simple and actually a very fun method.

We just sit down for a minute and think about our childhood in general. If a memory, a picture, an event or a trauma comes up, we put ourselves into the shoes of our young self and ask them what they need. If it is physical safety, we can get a throw and a tea and just let ourselves breathe and be in silence in the warmth of the throw blanket and enjoy the feeling of safety. If what the inner child needs is fun, we can ask what type of fun they mean. Playing with Lego? Go to the playground? Have an ice cream? Whatever it is, find the way to do it. If it is physical contact, go and have a nice massage.

Whatever we do we need to find a way to feel our inner child’s empty tank filling up. If we feel that we are on the right track towards healing.

– Eszter

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